Bad Boy, Good Attitude!

February 7, 2015

 Episode 2 of Beverly Hills, 90210 opens with a sweet ocean scene of Brandon getting down with the waves, he slowly walks towards a bikini-clad woman and then is rudely awoken from his wet dream by a pretty sweet Godzilla-like alarm clock yelling at him to “wake up” and a twatty sister saying they had to be to school in 16 minutes. Mrs. Walsh and the twins all have breakfast together and Brenda asks how many calories are in a kiwi. Cindy Walsh tells her 12 calories per slice. Fuck you, Cindy Walsh and whoever wrote this line for making me not only fact check calories in a kiwi for a blog about Beverly Hills, 90210, but then to calculate how many times 12 goes into 42. As Google told me a whole kiwi has 42 calories, the answer is 3.5. Those would be some generous slices; Brenda’s kiwi slice was thin. I call bullshit, Cindy.


Anyway, at school, Brandon bitches about everyone being stuck up in Beverly Hills and that all anyone is going to want to do this weekend is go to the beach. Cue Kelly in pirate wear and Donna in something even more unfortunate, Kelly says she’s working on her back this weekend at the beach. Brandon gets annoyed by their conversation, leaves and then Donna tells Brenda that her brother is “so dope.” At the other end of the quad, Steve runs into David and David starts talking his ear off again about how great Steve’s mom is on the Hartley house. Steve isn’t having it and walks off.


Inside at “The Blaze,” ol’ Chief, Andrea gives Brandon an editorial titled “From the Midwest to West Beverly – A Transfer Student Speaks” asking Brandon to talk about his experiences. Brandon is upset at first, but takes it anyway as he doesn’t want to be pegged a sports writer only. After retrieving his assignment, Brandon walks into the futuristic computer lab where Scott is working on floor plan to a nightclub (a fun fact that they don’t tell you, is that Scott created the floor plan to the Peach Pit After Dark and gave it to David for a keepsake. Actually I just made that up.) Some “nimrods” come in and pick on Scott for being a nerd calling him “a little dork with big dreams.” Don’t worry; there was a knight in leather (and one-strapped denim overalls) in the dark corner with the plasma ball. This dark knight spun around his chair with an extra brooding face and confronted these “nimrods” saying that “he’s not in a good mood today, in fact feeling a little hostile.” The “nimrods” skidaddle quickly while Brandon swoons over this valiant effort and just has to meet this mystery man; he finds Dylan McKay (West Beverly’s resident bad boy with a heart of hair-greased gold) on the stairwell outside and said, “I feel a little poke coming through… on you” and ends up going on a surfing field trip with Dylan. They become quick friends. While surfing, they meet a girl named Sarah who everyone calls Betty. Brandon asks what the term “the green room” means as the surfer dudes and babe keep talking about it. According to Sarah/Betty, it means “riding the perfect wave.”


Side plotlines: up next, we find Kelly and Brenda shopping where Brenda can’t afford anything and Kelly throws her plastic (credit cards) around everywhere telling Brenda she can either be “chic or cheap.” Cut to Steve talking to his mom on the phone rolling his eyes over the Hartley House and his mom telling him he has to be nice to David Silver so that she can meet his father, Mel Silver, the Producer. Back at the Walsh house, Brenda and Mrs. Walsh are having a heart-to-heart while Brenda cuts up a pair of jeans because she wants to recreate the expensive pair she saw with Kelly, wondering what it would be like to take it all for granted. Deep, Brenda. Deep.


Brandon is hanging with his new man crush, Dylan, Sarah/Betty and the surfer dudes. They go to the Bel Age hotel where on the way Brandon finds a book of Byron poetry in Dylan’s car opening his hard butthole for Dylan even more. Viewers should know that Dylan is more than a handsome face with cool hair, leather jackets and one-strapped denim overalls. Dylan has soul.  While at the hotel, the kids are sneaking around as if they’re doing something really bad. Brandon isn’t having it because he’s really super lame. Dylan orders them all cheeseburgers from room service and Brandon says he’s not into stealing from people. He runs off and Dylan chases after him in the hallway explaining that he actually lives at the hotel under his dad’s corporate pad saying his “parents aren’t really into being parents.” 


Cut back to Casa Walsh and we see Brandon asking Brenda if she knows who Dylan McKay is. Brenda says “everyone knows Dylan McKay. He’s major trouble. I heard he got a girl in Paris pregnant.” Oooohhh, I know what else happened when a girl was in Paris. Kelly picks up Brenda to go to the beach and Brandon says that Kelly looks like a “reject from a Mega Death video.” Brenda, Brandon and Kelly go to the beach together where we find the David/Steve storyline again. David pretends that his dad knows Steve’s mom so he can get in with the in crowd. Brandon meets up with Sarah/Betty who is heavily intoxicated, so much that she almost drowns and Brandon has to give her a hot beef injection via mouth to mouth. A fight breaks out and Dylan steps on a surf board cracking it in half proving to Brandon that he’s more than just a stuck up, rich kid. 


The episode wraps up with Brandon’s article hitting the stands expressing that West Beverly is the green room and that he should take the in crowd at more than face value because appearances are deceiving. David tells Steve that his dad is an Oral Hygienist, not a Producer and for some strange reason Sarah/Betty shows up at West Beverly after her drunk beach endeavor although she’s not a student there at all. Andrea congratulates Brandon in the hallway on his editorial and you can cut the sexual tension all the way through her high volume spiral perm and shoulder pads. At the end, the twins are united again and they tell each other that they think they’re going to make it. Yes, this is pretty much how the pilot ended too. I think we can all agree that the major take away from this episode is the addition of Dylan McKay… and his one-strapped denim overalls. Stay tuned next week, the first guest contributor, Sarah Irving will be adding her thoughts about the gang.

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