Hos in Different Area Codes

March 12, 2015

 

Ah, another episode, another wake-up scene at Casa de Walsh. In episode 4, the episode jumpstarts with Brenda and Brandon getting ready in their joint bathroom. Brandon is stone-cold bitchin’ about the air quality of Beverly Hills and how there is no fall. Brandon receives a phone call from his ex-girlfriend from Minneapolis, Cheryl. She’s visiting for the weekend. Aw, unbutton that fly. Brenda quickly says to Jim and Cindy that Cheryl can stay in her room.

 

On to West Beverly High, we see Brandon talking to Andrea about “The Blaze” coverage. Andrea gives Brandon googly-love eyes over her stupid glasses and says that he’s being “very secretive” to which Brandon tells her “you’re nosey.” Andrea creams her Gitanos and says, “I’m supposed to be, I’m a journalist.”

 

At the other end of the school, we see Brenda, Donna and Kelly crushing hard on the Algebra teacher, Matt Brody. As they usher into the classroom, the teacher says, “class would just be empty without you, Brenda” which then causes Brenda to cream her bodysuit tucked into her high-waisted jeans (or whatever else she's wearing).

 

Then back at the computer lab, Brandon is telling Dylan all about how his old flame, Cheryl is coming into town. Dylan says, “she doesn’t sleep with you?” Guess what? Brandon is a virgin! I wonder what will happen when Cheryl comes into town. I’ll spoil it. Sex. 2-pump sex.

 

Cut back to Algebra class, the teacher stops Brenda as she’s leaving and it cuts to a soft-porn, heavy glow dream sequence where Matt Brody says, “let’s runaway, Brenda and make a love nest in some little Alpine village where nobody knows our names. During the day, I’ll teach skiing and at night we’ll cuddle by the fire, drink hot cider and think how lucky we were to leave all of this behind.” Record scratch, back to real life, Mr. Brody asks Brenda to babysit for him and his wife that coming Saturday.

 

As a way to keep more characters, enter David Silver walking down the hall introducing himself to Brandon as Steve Sander’s friend. For no real reason, David Silver is chosen as the character to talk to Brandon about long-distance relationships. He tells tales of his summer camp love, Marla Melman who was “12 and developed” and lived in Pittsburgh. The long distance was tough, but Marla was supposed to visit David and take his V-card (at 12). Turns out David had no between-the-sheets stories because Marla got strep throat, met a boy in 9th grade and he never talked to her again. Dylan meets up with them in the hallway wearing pajamas and tells Brandon to bring Cheryl to the hotel.

 

After school at Casa de Walsh, we meet Cheryl. She took an earlier flight and although she is so excited about the 90 degree weather at the beginning of November, she is wearing a long-sleeve olive green washable silk shirt (*Author’s note: there are pics with a  scrunchie involved showing this BH fan wearing her very own olive green washable silk shirt when she finished Girl Scouts. Pretty f’in’ cool. Cheryl and I are soooo alike). Inside the house, Cheryl and Brenda are discussing Minnesota gossip in Brenda’s bedroom. Cheryl dishes that Ms. Gebhardt, the gay gym teacher, like totally married Brian Sullivan, the class president. 

 

 

At night, Cheryl and Brandon steal kisses in the bathroom and he tells her to come into his room in an hour. Cheryl obliges and that’s when the magic happens. Cindy wakes up, nudges Jim and Jim being the cool guy just sleeps it off. It’s time for his son to become a real man. The next morning, everyone is woken up to the sounds of Brandon dancing in the kitchen with jazz hands and all to which Cindy says, “You better have a talk with your son.” Brenda states that “he even strained the pulp.” He sure did, Brenda. He sure did.

 

Brandon and Cheryl leave to go movie star searching. They go to a fancy restaurant where Dylan just happens to appear saying that he “thought he asked for the no-kissing section.” Brandon goes to relieve himself (strain more pulp) and Dylan mentions a club called Contact to Cheryl. She is beyond ecstatic. Dylan asks if she and Brandon are tight to which she says, “we were, but he’s out here where it’s like paradise and I’m back there where the only reason people wear sunglasses this time of year is so they don’t go snow blind. Guess life goes on.” Cue the trouble in the recently de-virginized water.

 

After the fancy restaurant, we’re brought back to Casa de Walsh where Cheryl and Brenda are getting ready and Cheryl tells Brenda that they’re going to a club with Dylan. Brenda says she “hasn’t figured Dylan out yet and that he lives by himself at the hotel and is a bit of a wild child." Brenda puts on a necklace and asks if it’s “queer dangly.” While the girls are finishing up, the parents are discussing what is acceptable behavior versus responsibility (read: Cindy being an uptight twat). Dylan swings by the house to meet up with Cheryl and Brandon. Cheryl decides to hitch a ride with Dylan leaving Brandon all by himself deep in his jealous bro-dude thoughts.  Brandon thinks that Cheryl is too into Beverly Hills and that she’s acting weird. 

 

Onto the Brenda subplot, Brenda arrives at Mr. Brody’s house and he mentions he likes her necklace and all of its queer dangliness. She creams another bodysuit covered up by her pirate shirt. We meet Mrs. Brody who is a real bitch. She starts yapping about how Mr. Brody can’t wear the jacket he put on because “it’s 2 shades of the same color, that’s why not.” The Brody’s asshole son, Elliott takes Brenda’s purse and dumps all of its contents on the ground. Learning after his mother, I see. This family sucks.

 

Brandon gets to the club where he is greeted by an angry bouncer with sweet locks (of love). He initially denies Brandon, but he makes his way in regardless of Tresemme’s stance. He finds Dylan and Cheryl slow dancing and boy, is he pissed off. Brandon and Dylan have some words where Dylan screams, “your girlfriend hit on me tonight!” Brandon punches Dylan and Dylan shouts, “You better figure out who your friends are.” Brandon, very upset, grabs Cheryl at the bar where she is drinking an obnoxious blue drink. Cheryl opposes his grab and says, “People change! Sex doesn’t make people closer, it only tears them apart.” Brandon says, “what makes you an expert?” Cheryl comes clean and admits, “because I’ve done it before. ‘Long distance relationships don’t work.’ Your words!” Brandon smashes her blue drink and Cheryl leaves in a taxi.

 

Back with Brenda, that asshole Elliott says “my daddy has a penis” to try to interject some type of shitty humor. This was post-Kindergarten Cop. These writers are grasping for content with this shithead kid. Kelly and Donna randomly show up and try to ransack Mr. Brody’s house finding a photo album in his underwear drawer. Elliott pulls Kelly’s hair solidifying even more that it may have been best for everyone involved if they would have had a single-child home. Mr. and Mrs. Brody come home early and the twatty wife says, “such a pleasure to see a bad movie and come back to this.” After Brenda sees everything she wonders where her mind was at with her crush referring to it all as looking at Kiefer Sutherland in a magazine.

 

At Casa de Walsh, Cindy is frantic. She says that Cheryl’s mom called and that she has been missing for three days and that she didn’t come out to visit Brandon, she ran away from home. Brandon flees to the Bel Age  hotel to find Cheryl where Dylan states, “I didn’t hit on her, man.” Cheryl ran away because she hates her step-father back home, has a mother who defends the man, and a father who never calls her, not even on her birthday. Brandon makes it all better and orders ice cream from room service.

 

The episode ends with Cheryl leaving the Casa de Walsh telling Brandon that he was a “wonderful lover” leaving Brenda with a different kind of “O face.” Finally, Brandon has some father/son time with ol’ Jim while playing some bball out front. Here we are introduced to Jim’s mass amounts of back hair. Jim asks, “Cheryl get off OK?” Subtle, Jim. Brandon being the gentleman says, “Yes and no. I never kiss and tell.” With one Walsh twin left a virgin, what oh what will happen? Stay tuned!

 

 

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