The Depew Queue: The Top 10 Things I Learned from “Perfect Mom”

 

Remember our friend, Marla Depew who wrote the recap to season 1, episode 6? Well, she's back with The Depew Queue about season 1, episode 7. This is mostly because she's A) hilarious and B) some of you may need to read your recaps in numerical points (I apparently need alphabetical points).

 

1. High school radio broadcasts are a fantastic way to start the day. Whatever happened to those? #nostalgia

2. Following someone around with a video camera—without their permission—and waxing on about how you’d like to smell their hair should land you on some sort of sex offender list. I’m looking at you, David Silver.

3. No one (and no substance) can complete you. Jackie still hadn’t learned that when she came roaring home, mascara streaming and blood vessels full of vodka, after Don dumped her.

4. Popcorn does not a full dinner make.

5. Everyone’s family looks better than your own when you’re an angsty, drama-prone teenager.

6. Don’t forget to ask your mom to the Mother-Daughter Luncheon and Fashion Show or her feelings will be hurt, and that’s a pain that not even the overeager school nerd can assuage.

7. If you’re going to go on a bender, always the leave the house key so your teen daughter doesn’t have to crawl through the doggie door to jostle you conscious.

8. Crushed velvet and chokers look surprisingly great together.

9. Always tear into the rampant sexism in Hollywood any chance you get—even if you’re high on coke and botch the rest of your presentation, humiliating your daughter in the process.

10. There is no such thing as The Perfect Mom (though Cindy Walsh comes pretty darn close).

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