May 14, 2015

How do you follow up an episode filled with sequins, mountains of cocaine and terrible parenting? You have a boring episode about parents who you never want to imagine doing it possibly doing it with other people. 


Season 1, episode 8 opens at Casa de Walsh with Cindy taking the lotion from the basket and moisturizing her hands after slowly taking off her wedding rings. Jim is doing some accounting work in bed not accounting for the fact that he's neglecting his annoying wife who is bitching about restaurant wait times in Beverly Hills for their 17th anniversary. 


The next morning Brenda tells Brandon that something is up with the 'rents because of uncut grapefruit and missing Gardening sections from the newspaper. Brandon doesn't believe there's anything wrong at all because he doesn't have any intuition even though he might have a vagina.


Cut to West Beverly, here we're shown the same kids sweet kickin' it on the quad that were sweet kickin' it on the pilot episode; don't think this fan didn't notice the reused footage. I mean, the Flat Top/flourescent pink/vest combo kind of gave it away.


The radio DJ announces that he's hanging up his headphones and is looking for a replacement. David Silver wants the job and frets because he finds out that THE Steve Sanders is going to be his competition.


A teacher then corners Brenda and Brandon and says that she wants them to participate in a "Twins" study at a real-life college and they'll even get paid for their time.


At the nursery, we find Cindy shopping for plants with "the help" because she has no friends because she's a square and doesn't do coke (gawd, the last episode was so much better!)  and some creep taking pictures of her. Turns out the creep is her old flame, Glen. Glen actually introduced Cindy to Jim at a magazine they were all working at together before Jim became a paper pusher. Cindy is fascinated by Glen's artistic lifestyle.


 Brenda and Brandon go to the "Twins" study while Brenda is dressed like a twatty equestrian who only wears button-up shirts featuring other equestrians.


At the study, we find these identical twins who are some real know-it-alls. They don't bicker like B&B and can finish each other's sentences. They also have tiny hands and are concerned for each other when one shits their pants at "Twins" studies at real-life colleges.


 Professor Harriet Strathmore (or later known as West Bev Principal Mrs. Teasley) is quite entertained by this public shitting.


 Back at Casa de Walsh, Cindy reaffirms how the shop is closed for Jim with a face mask and grand statements of how Jim is just like her dad. Glen swung by Casa de Walsh earlier and there was some more awkward flirtation with him and Cindy and he asked her "what if?" Cindy abstained Glen's attempts.


The next day in the West Bev halls, we hear the pubescant sounds of David Silver rapping "yo, West Beverly, my name is Dave and I'm going to give you all the songs that you crave. All the babes are going to be my slaves, and all from a guy who don't even shave." Any ounce of cool that Silver man thought he had was crushed immediately as he got pelted with paper after his sick rap.


That night, Cindy and Brenda are getting ready for Glen's art exhibit. Brenda questioning her mom's actions of changing her outfit too many times,  asks, "are you wearing perfume?" Cindy responds, "no, it's just toilet water." The dress that Cindy chose was pretty shitty so now she can smell like it too.


At the art exhibit, the girls are stylin' and discuss something with Brandon about Cindy being used up and lonely.


Glen and Cindy go for a walk together and he says that "a mental affair is far more serious than a physical one." This is mostly because he can't get physically near Cindy because she smells like a toilet, yet wants to get in her head and understand why she would proactively choose to smell like a toilet. Cindy is a woman of toilet mystery. They go back to Glen's house and the kids find her there thinking she definitely did the deed.


The next day we find out that West Bev is still in dire need of a new DJ. Donna painfually auditions rapping, " D-d-d-this is Donna and not Madonna, and I wanna be the voice of West Beverly... so go vote for me... please."


Steve's up next and busts in the DJ booth saying, "is this thing on? Good! Cuz watch out world, here comes the voice of your choice... Steve Sanders. Silver tongue... golden hair... spirit of young America." Then his silver tongue can't hold his golden hair and he chokes. Big time.


This is David's time to shine. David rushes into the booth rapping, "Yo, West Beverly, this is DJ Dave. I'm not Vanilla Ice, but chill out and be brave cuz I'm about to rock the microphone over the air - so you say, 'who's that Freshman?' Check him out, he's aware!"


At the end of the episode, Cindy and Glen part ways after not doing it because she's in love with the boring, balding Accountant and doesn't want to ruin her marriage. Jim whisks Cindy away for a spontaneous vacation and said something gross about a "nooner" in front of the kids. B&B look at each other disgusted and we see that the "Twins" study was right when they said they're two of a kind. Mother-Daughter fashion show high on cocaine, this episode is not. 








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