Hey, gang. Do you have self-imposed ADHD like the rest of us and need a quick takeaway from the last recap from Beverly Hills, 9021-Whoa!? Rest assured, we're here for you! My friend, Marla Depew is back with the Depew Queue giving you the top 10 things she learned from the episode where the D is almost in the B. Enjoy!
1. Dylan always looks like he’s on the verge of auditioning for The Outsiders: The Musical.
2. First love is a heady, raw adventure. Kind of like dry-humping but with your heart sporting the boner.
3. Dylan’s a high schooler who lives in a hotel and has seemingly slept with multiple women. California, amiright?
4. Apparently guys who have neglectful and criminal dads also have some anger issues and sometimes break flowerpots outside their hotel homes and yell at the girls they’re falling in love with before throwing them tortured looks and then making out with them. This is about Dylan.
5. The reason Scott’s mom doesn’t want him to attend the Sex Ed seminar is because she’s afraid he’ll get the wrong message. Professional Irony Spotter David Silver reminds Scott that his mom has six kids. Six. Kids.
6. We need to bring the phrase “it’s been real” back and only use it when we’re being sarcastic, i.e. Brenda telling her dad this after he forbids her to see Dylan: “Thanks for dinner. It’s been real.” You’ve been burned, Señor Walsh.
7. Cindy Walsh is always available to offer patience, love advice, and unexpected words that mean other things. This week’s word: Potatoed. Its meaning: relaxed.
8. Dylan stays true to form and effs up, this time by standing up Brenda at their Marx Bros Film Festival date. What a Vaudevillain.
9. Steve Saunders never ceases to act inappropriately, whether he’s hitting on an uninterested Kelly in the hallway or impersonating a Sex Ed teacher to hit on the special guest speaker. P.S. The special guest speaker is there to warn everyone about AIDS because she got it when she was 16.
10. Makeout points with a view of the L.A. skyline and the Hollywood Hills are a great place to talk about getting tested for STDs.
Bonus takeaway: ¡lo siento! for breaking the fourth wall, but Jason Priestley totally has a boner in the scene where he confronts Dylan in the hallway about Brenda. Reward another point to Morning Wood®.