Maybe Someone Should Put Baby in the Corner

August 27, 2015

Ah, sometimes your Beverly Beat Editor can't count and misses a whole episode. Actually, I blame all of those people on the Internet who count the pilot as two episodes when it's obviously only one making things really confusing for those who have self-induced ADHD, think math is hard and really just want to talk about Amanda Pacer. With that, I present the recap for Season 1, Episode 12 (for real this time).


Season 1, Episode 12 opens up on the sunny quad. Brandon is sitting by his favorite tree and hears a girl singing.



He turns around to meet his latest love interest, Melissa. Melissa has a long face and long hair. She reads smarty pants books that make Brandon ask her, "are you brilliant or a dreamer?" To which she responds, "a brilliant dreamer." She then discusses her dreams of going to Harvard.


 Melissa leaves behind her Latin paper that she got an A+ on and Brandon just has to find out more about her. 


At home, he looks Melissa up in the school directory, but can't call because Brenda and Kelly are trying to win a radio contest.

 Brandon comes running into Brenda's room yelling that she can't tie up the cordless phone line. Bren & Kel get it out of him that he's trying to call a girl. Oooohhh. Kelly says, "don't take 'no' for an answer. Well, unless she says she's babysitting because that's the oldest excuse in the book."


Mustering up the courage, Brandon gets Melissa on the horn and makes this face.


 He asks her out on Friday, but... she's babysitting. Then he asks her out on Saturday, but... she's babysitting. Again. Harumph. The girls say, "don't be desperate." Melissa suddenly has a change of tune and says she'll try to get out of it. They agree to go out on Saturday and Brenda proudly says, "my brother, the stud."


On the date, Melissa asks Brandon if he's heard anything about her. He says no and that he liked her because she was smart. 


Back home, the girls are still trying to win the radio contest. 

 Success! They make it through and win free skydiving lessons. Brandon hears Brenda on the radio and explains that Brenda is scared to death of heights.


As the date is ending, Melissa says she feels she's keeping something from him. She invites Brandon in to meet a baby. 

 Turns out it's her baby, Joey. Whoa. They didn't prepare me for this stuff in that puberty video starring the girl who played Annie that I had to watch in 5th grade.


Brandon asks Steve about Melissa and Steve says something real shitty about how, "most girls get rid of the problem" as if it's only the girl's responsibility in this situation. Steve's philosophy is kind of like that whole "well, she shouldn't have been wearing that," except it's "well, she shouldn't have been able to get all pregnant." Woof, Steve. Woof. Go grow out your curly mullet.


Melissa and Brandon go out for a second date, but there's a slight hiccup as Melissa's babysitter fell through. They go on a date at the Peach Pit because it's loud.

 Good ol' Nat makes a joke about how the baby couldn't be Brandon's because the baby is better looking than him. Oh, Nat, so much better than a MegaBurger.


Brandon asks some real dumb questions about child birth asking how she could just pop something out.  Melissa says that having a baby is like jumping off a cliff. Is this a possible metaphor for that whole skydiving subplot? Hmmmm....


When Brandon comes home, he tells Cindy and Jim that Melissa has a baby. They're shocked, but let it slide because Brandon's obviously their favorite. Whereas Brenda would have been locked up in her very own chastity belt by Jim himself if she was pregnant or dating a guy who was weirdly pregnant like in Junior.


The next day, Melissa races to Casa de Walsh and leaves Joey with Brandon because her sitter fell through again and she has her big Harvard interview. What could ever happen?


Brandon tries to pass the kid off to his parents, but they have plans. Jim jokingly says, "good luck, dad!" as they leave.

 Brandon looks to Brenda, but no dice, she has skydiving lessons. Steve shows up to watch the Lakers game and offers to help ol' Brando.

 For babysitting advice, the guys call a video store to see if they can rent Three Men and a Baby. They'll just have to wait for a star to fall and for that movie's sequel soundtrack because the guy who answered the phone only speaks Spanish and has nothing but Three Amigos. Harumph again.


Brandon tries feeding Joey to no avail. Here's the money shot:

 While Brandon is busy being covered in baby goo, Brenda and Kelly are at skydiving lessons where they fight over the instructor they nicknamed Don Juan.

 Brenda has some fantasy about Don and how if she jumps, she can save the country in World War II or something. This dream helps her learn to face her fear after she practices jumping the thousands-of-feet jump from her inches-from the floor-shower tub.


Once Melissa picks up Joey after Brandon's disastrous babysitting endeavor, she says she blew her Harvard interview and wants to do something crazy. She considers giving up Joey as they drive real fast.


Back up in the air, Brenda and Kelly have a brief fight over the skydiving instructor and end up pushing each other out of the plane. They freefall together instilling that their friendship is worth more than a bohunk and that together they can achieve the world (until Kelly becomes a twat and boyfriend thief).


The episode wraps up back at the quad where Melissa says that she decided to keep Joey after all and that Harvard can wait. Brandon's supportive mostly because he is not the father.

 Who are we kidding? We all know that Brandon can't dance like this? On to the next!


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