One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Whoa! Fish

June 5, 2016

We're bronzed, beautiful and let that Sun-In soak right in just in time for a new Whoa!-cap. Season 2, Episode 2 opens up at Casa de Walsh with Brandon telling his dad, Jim that he's never worked so hard in his life. Jim doesn't get it, he asks how hard a job at the beach can be. Brandon said it wouldn't be so bad if his dad would just pay for l/2 of his new used car. Jim responds, "Have a nice day, Brandon."

Over at the Beverly Hills Beach Club, there is a heated tennis match between two rich guys. They're arguing whether the ball was in or out. 

 Brandon calls it like he sees it and says that the ball was in.

 From this call, Brandon starts his relationship with Sports Manager, Jerry Rattinger.

It's on the courts that Brandon also starts his relationship with his pretty, young-ish coworker, Sandy.

Sandy wears a variety of mock-turtleneck tank tops while dousing out the perfect amount of sass. A relationship set in beach casuals is born.


Brandon catches up with Dylan on the beach where Dyl is wearing a wet suit that fits like a (Body) glove.

They dish about Sandy. Brandon gets jealous thinking that Dylan has hooked up with her.


Over on the other twin front, Brenda is avoiding the beach as much as possible and really crafting her acting skills. 

Brenda is trying to recreate the moment where she was lost in a department store by wearing a hideous winter coat. Brenda's teacher says that the "$64,000 question is if Brenda can recreate the very moment with the coat by smell and texture."


Donna and Ol' Twatty (Andrea) try to convince Brenda that she did a great job, but Brenda isn't having it. She said it felt off. 


For some reason, Kelly joins the gals in the hall even though she's too cool for summer school, but not too cool for fringe on top of a denim skirt.

Kelly and Donna try to convince Brenda to go to the beach club with them, but Brenda and Ol' Twatty stay behind to avoid Dylan and Brandon so David Silver takes the spot in the car. When Brenda and Ol' Twatty stay behind, Ol' Twatty asks, "Has Brandon asked about me?" The answer is no. He's too busy chasing older women who play roles more suitable to their age than women who are too old for their role at all.


After school, Brenda is chatting up a storm with her grandma in Minnesota. Cindy (Mrs. Walsh) comes out in her finest plaid polyester blends and tells Brenda that they're going to a mixer at the beach club. 

Brenda says, "Where Brandon works?" She doesn't think that her bro will like this that much. Cindy replies, "Yes! Isn't that a hoot?!"

No, Cindy. It is not a hoot. Talk about embarrassing. First plaid polyester blends, now a possible beach club membership?


Back at the beach club, Brandon starts laying the moves on Sandy by showing her his sweet moves.

 It should be noted that Brandon must "like-like" Sandy because it's a known fact that Brandon doesn't dance, but here he is voluntarily fox trotting his way with a mature woman.


Sandy asks Brandon how old he is. Brandon responds, "How old do you want me to be?"


Brandon's boss, Henry Thomas quickly breaks up Brandon's smooth operatin' and says that they're not allowed to be seen having fun at work.

Brandon tucks his boner he got on the dance floor into his pleated white pants and says hello to his parents and Mr. & Mrs. Rattinger.

That Jerry Rattinger sure is dapper son of a bitch.


Sandy seems irritated when the Rattingers appear. 

Brandon doesn't understand why.


As the beach club mixer is dying down, Steve tries to instigate that Sandy has the hots for Brandon and that he should ask her to check out the grunion run with the gang.

Brandon asks Sandy if she wants to check out "10,000 wild and crazy grunion having an orgy on the beach." Sandy declines saying this can happen anywhere on the beach from the "Point of conception all the way to the Mexican border."


Sandy's diss leaves Brandon (and the audience) wondering just how old Sandy is. The early bed time, the mock turtlenecks, the earrings, the nagging? Just how old is she and how inappropriate is her relationship with Brandon?


The next day he tells Brenda all about this girl named Sandy.

Ahem, this woman named Sandy. He says that there's still a chance. 


*Side note: This episode uses a lot of mirrors and angled shots. First we had Cindy in the plaid polyester and now Brandon checking out his reflejo. What's next?*


Brandon asks Jim and Cindy what they thought of the mixer and if it's going to be a Beach Club kind of summer. Jim says that he doesn't want to spend his summer "Hob-knobbing with the Jerry Rattingers of the world."

Brandon takes this moment to defy his dad and defend Jerry Rattinger. What's so wrong with being rich? He storms off to the beach. Some people turn to drugs, Brandon turns to the beach club where he smashes so many balls.

Brandon and Jerry shoot the shit and Jerry asks what a young kid like him is doing spending his summer working. Brandon explains how he's trying to save up for a car, a '65 Mustang Convertible to be exact.

Although, Jerry respects Jim Walsh's work ethic, he thinks that Brandon could learn a thing or two from him and proposes that he quit his Cabana Boy job and work for him where he barely has to work, but gets paid to drive a fancy car all summer. Then he ogles a hot beach babe as she walks by.

Jerry goes on to say that he used to have one of them, in reference to the hot beach babe, but now he has a wife, a dog, some cats, some kids, a plethora of FILA jackets, a share in Rogaine and more.


After Jerry pushes his eyes back in his head and rolls his tongue back into his mouth, they shout out an order for drinks to Sandy. Then Jerry says that "Sandy is a piece of work." What kind of piece of work? Oooohhh.


Brandon sees this as a challenge and asks Sandy on an afternoon date. He said he doesn't have wheels, but that they were going to do it "Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid" style.

Sandy and Brandon put their blossoming love in tandem. Now I get that Butch Cassidy reference (after I Googled the definition of "Tandem"). Brandon takes Sandy to the set of Baywatch to neck. They chit-chat for a bit before necking and Sandy says that she wishes she had met him 5 years ago. Brandon says, "You wouldn't have liked me 5 years ago, I was in the 6th grade."

She makes this face and then sucks him in whole, just like that death scene with the asthmatic girl in Nightmare on Elm Street Part 4.

Here's another angle of them swapping tongues on the Baywatch set. I told you this episode worked a lot with angles.

After his afternoon delight, Brandon sees Dylan in the locker room wearing his wet suit that fits like a (Body) glove again and tells him how he's starting to fall for Sandy. Dylan warns that Sandy isn't the girl for him.

Brandon thinks that Dylan boinked her and is being territorial. He also thinks that Dylan is insinuating it's an age thing. Dylan warns again that there's things that happen at the Beach Club that Brandon doesn't know about.


Hurtfully, Brandon jabs, "Is this your way of saying you slept with her? Just like how you duped Brenda into sleeping with you?" Dylan storms off saying, "That's where you have it all wrong." Oh, no. The bad boy is now sullen boy.


Brandon leaves the locker room to find Sandy crying. Sandy says she needs to be alone.

Cut to Jerry watching the tears roll down from the balcony. Jerry Rattinger doesn't fuck around. He wears head-to-toe purple and doesn't fuck around. He adjusts his sunglasses...

 And with only body movements, says, "I'm Jerry Fucking Rattinger. I wear FILA. It means "For Ironing Loose Assholes."

Back home, Brandon is going on and on about how great Mr. Rattinger is. Jim doesn't understand why Jerry Rattinger is offering to pay Brandon to do basically nothing. Brandon thinks his dad is jealous because of how rich Jerry is.


Brandon tells Brenda about his sweet side job working for Mr. Rattinger and Brenda agrees with her dad that there's something fishy about this man. No one works for free. Brandon listens, but then changes the subject asking why she's wearing a winter coat in the middle of July.

At the Beach Club, Brandon voices his pop's concern about him working for Mr. Rattinger. Jerry doesn't want to come between Brandon and his old man.

Meanwhile, Brenda is still trying to nail the emotions in her scene for class. She's frantically pacing, wearing that coat trying to force tears.

Jim walks in and asks what she's doing. Brenda explains that she's trying to recreate the moment she got lost at the department store. Duh. Jim says that Brenda was so cute that day. Brenda doesn't understand how she was cute when she was lost. Jim explains that before she got lost, she was having the time of her life playing on the escalators and that they knew where she was the whole time. This view helps Brenda get a new perspective on her shitty memory.

Over at the beach club, Steve tells Brandon how he has the hots for some pretty young thang.

Brandon questions how young this pretty young thang is. Steve says, "Old enough to pee, old enough for me."


Jerry interrupts and asks Brandon to follow him. He wants to show him more of his FILA collection.

He also wants to show Brandon his sweet new wheels for the rest of the summer. Jerry leased a car and wants Brandon to drive it so he can feel like a real man. Steve urges Brandon to take it.

 Brandon and Steve hop in the car and are about to take it on a joy ride.

Before they leave, Jerry files through his messages and asks Brandon if he can do him a favor. He received a message that his wife had too much fun in the sun and has to be taken home. Brandon says he will happily drive Mrs. Rattinger home.

With the top down and the wind a blowin' through their moussed hair, Mrs. Rattinger spills the beans that Brandon is paid to take her home so that Jerry can go on with his love affairs without her there. 

Mrs. Rattinger says, "Do you think that you're the first pretty boy to drive me home to take me away from his play things? I heard he's trying to get back with Sandy."


Boi-oi-oi-oing. Sandy?!?!?!?!

It all makes sense now. Brandon drops off Mrs. Rattinger and speeds back to the beach club. He finds Sandy walking towards Jerry's room wearing anything but a mock turtleneck. Is that a collar bone I see?

Brandon confronts her alluding that she's a gold digger looking for love from her sugar daddy.

Sandy says it's more than that. She's in love. Look at this angle work.

 Ooh-la-la. The best angle work.


In the ultimate tennis match where Sandy is the ball, Brandon calls "Out" and drops Jerry Rattinger's car keys.

Brandon goes home to tell his dad that he's seen the dark side of how rich people live. Jim confides that they didn't join the beach club because it is a money thing. Together, they bond.

The next day at work, Brandon has an uncomfortable encounter in the locker room with Jerry Rattinger. Boy, don't fuck with Jerry Rattinger. This is his beach club and Brandon's just a squirrel trying to bust a nut or something.

After the locker room altercation, Brandon seeks out his boss to see if he's been fired. Henry says, "I was asked to consider firing you. It's been considered and it's been rejected."  What? Does Mr. Rattinger think that decent Cabana Boys just fall from the sky? He can't find anyone like that in the middle of "Jew-lie." Then Henry goes on again about how if it wasn't for the invention of a VCR, he would never be able to catch up with "The Young & the Restless."

Over at West Bev, Brenda is giving the performance of her summer school life making the whole class laugh over how she was never really lost at the department store, but just lost in her mind.

The teacher says, "Now, that's what you call a breakthrough!" Having another breakthrough, Brenda tells Ol' Twatty and Donna, "Let's go to the beach."

To bring the episode full circle, the rich guys at the beginning of the episode are in the middle of another heated tennis match.

 They ask Brandon to make the call again. Mr. Rattinger doesn't think that's the best idea.

Brandon calls it like he sees it and says that the ball was "in." See? Brandon's fair, even if the rich bitch was stickin' it to his love interest in this episode.


Speaking of his love interest, Sandy decides it's time to move on. Jerry told her that he loved her and was going to leave his wife for her. That was two years ago. To bid adieu, she slowly and awkwardly kisses the side of Brandon's face.

That's a nice angle of Brandon's sideburn.


Here's a shot of Dylan showering off.

Brandon and Dylan make up after Brandon's jerky comments only after a minor threat over Turkey Club sandwiches.

Dylan warns that any time that Brandon alludes that he may have slept with someone, he gets to clock him.

Ol' Twatty and Brenda walk up to the guys, but only after they are addressed as "females." Kelly and Donna walk up to the gang too laughing.

See? It turns out that the pretty young thang that Steve had the hots for, doesn't have the hots back for him. She has the hots for David Silver.

Also, she's maybe 14. Y'ouch.

The episode wraps up with the gang trying to catch the grunion run again.

Brenda and Dylan have a heart-to-heart. Brenda says, "It's nice being here with you, but not being here with you." Dylan replies, "Like a good friend?" Then he sniffs her hair like all good friends do.

Donna asks if grunions look like a mix between a sardine and an anchovy.

Steve says that they do as well as stockpile footage from a science film.

The gang screams and then has an orgy of their own. The end.






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