Grab a box of Kleenex because we're about to say farewell to Season 1 of Beverly Hills, 90210. The Season 1 finale opens up at West Bev with the sweetest sounds of a funky Cascio keyboard set to Samba and maybe even Bossa Nova. There's a bunch of ruccus going on and it's because Steve is in all-out brawl with some random dude. Brandon comes in to save the day and breaks up the fight. Steve thanks Brandon for being a friend and says that pipsqueak was talking smack about his mom so he had to die. What would Steve ever do without Brandon?
The episode cuts to Jim's office where there is another ruccus going on, the ruccus of Henry Powell. One of Jim's coworkers says that you don't want to have lunch with Jim Powell because that means "heads will roll." Jim gets a call from his secretary requesting a lunch meeting with Jim Powell.
Back at Casa de Walsh, Cindy tells Brandon and Brenda about how she and Anna found the best herb garden. They had cilantro, basil, weed. It was great.
Jim comes home and ushers Cindy out of the kitchen with concern.
Jim tells Cindy about his big upcoming lunch meeting with Henry Powell worried that he might get the axe. Brandon eavesdrops and then discusses it normally with his sister in their joint bathroom.
B&B are worried that their dad might lose their job. They saw how this ruined families back in Minneapolis.
Jim goes to his lunch meeting with Henry Powell the next day and is offered bread.
Jim takes the bread, but passes on the butter.
Later that day at Casa de Walsh, the gang meets up at the island in the stream, ahem the middle of the kitchen.
Here, we find out that Steve's brawl caused so much damage to his pretty boy face that he has to wear an eyepatch. Kelly jokingly calls him Captain Hook.
Steve retorts, "Isn't that what we used to call you before your nose job?" BURN!!
Jim comes home and asks Steve and Kelly to leave because he needs to talk to his family alone. Aw shit, here comes the shit canning.
Before Jim can say anything, Brandon offers to get a second job to help out and Brenda offers to get a job at all. Jim says that he's not getting fired, but that he's been promoted.
Phew. What a relief.
Wait, there's a catch. The promotion means that they'll have to move back to Minneapolis.
Brenda says, "Minneapolis?"
Brandon says, "Minneapolis?
Jim says, "Yeah, Minneapolis! And I'm not only a member fof the Hair Club for Men, I'm also the President."
Cindy says, "Minneapolis?"
Jim senses that not everyone is excited about moving back as he is so he suggests that they all vote on whether to stay or go. Brenda chimes in that "just because someone knocks at the door doesn't mean you have to open it." Geeze, Jim, you taught her that while reading Snow White together.
Jim reads the votes and it's 3 to stay, 1 to move. He doesn't get it. He thought it was going to be a tie with him and Cindy saying "go" and the kids saying "stay" with Brandon being convinced at the end to "go." No way, Jim-ay!
Jim calls Powell to let him know that he's going to pass on the offer. He looks somber on the phone and Cindy exclaims, "Did that S.O.B. fire you?" Jim says, "No! That S.O.B. doubled my salary!" Back to Minneapolis it is.
*I don't know why all of this S.O.B. talk is so damn funny, but it is.
Back to the Whoa!-cap. Brenda and Brandon talk about how they don't want to move back and that it will be reverse culture shock moving back to Minnesota. Brenda has big plans in Cali. She has the best boyfriend and she was even going to audition for Romeo & Juliet. She thinks that everyone will think that the Walshes couldn't cut it in Beverly Hills.
To overthink something they can't really control because they're underage and kind of have to move wherever their parents move, they make a pros and cons list about Minneapolis.
-Seasons, seeing the leaves change color -Raking the leaves
-Snow -Slush, wet socks, frozen noses
-Ice Hockey -Beach, sun
-Lakes, water skiing** -Surfing
-Old friends -Friends moved on
-New friends -Soon to be ex-friends
**Apparently you can't water ski on the ocean or something.
The next day at West Bev, B&B break the news to the gang.
Kelly offers Brenda to stay at her place over summer and Steve offers his pile of shit (That's how "pirate ship" sounds when you literally hold your tongue and say "pirate ship." Seriously, who even thought of that?) to Brandon.
After school, Brandon goes to the Peach Pit and tells Nat that he will no longer be a California boy. Nat jokes that it's fine because he's replaceable.
Ol' Twatty (Andrea) swings by the Pit and proposes that she and Brandon hang out solo in her body-suited chest before he heads back to the Midwest.
Is it a date? Or is it not a date? We'll find out.
Back at Casa de Walsh, Jim gives Brandon a new set of keys, car keys that is. He can retire Mondale because now he gets his dad's car since Jim gets a new car with his promotion. They joke that the car is Brandon's because women can't drive and Brenda will never get her license. Women be shopping, not driving.
The next day at school, the mood has shifted. Steve disses Brandon in the Quad and Dylan complains that Brenda will never be able to see his favorite surf shop or his favorite band.
To top things off, Brenda can't stay with Kelly because her mom said a houseguest is too much pressure after going to rehab because she snorted all of the coke at the Mother/Daughter Charity Fashion Show. Shucks.
Donna is all like, "Don't be mad, Brenda. She really tried."
Brenda is concerned about her relationship with Dylan because she can't ask him to wait. After all, every girl at West Bev is dying to be with him. No duh!
Brandon heads out to the beach for his "date" with Ol' Twatty.
Ol' Twatty gazes into Brandon's eyes and tells him she's going to take him for a real ride.
Brandon and Ol' Twatty take a trip on the carousel and she offers him a present.
Ol' Twatty says that she's giving him the person on the horse if he'll take her.
The steed between Brandon's legs is all like, "Say what?!"
Brandon doesn't get it. Ol' Twatty has to really drill it in that she's offering Brandon her 38-year-old virginity.
At the beach the next day, B&B wear their spring prep/Stevie Nicks-goth casuals and Brandon tells Brenda all about Ol' Twatty's offer. They both have to remind each other that it's totally acceptable and something he should maybe pursue because Ol' Twatty is actually pretty (even with the glasses, high-waisted Gitanos, etc.).
Brenda lets it slip that Dylan slipped inside her and explains that things have become complicated between her and Dylan since they started sleeping together. Brandon is pissed.
Brandon felt that he was kept in the dark about one of his best friends stickin' it in his sister. D in the B! D in the B!! He stresses that he hopes she's being careful. Brenda says coyly (Hey, did you know that Luke Perry's real first name is Coy, not Luke? It's true. Google it!), "I'm trying."
Dylan's surfing at the beach and sees B&B. He asks to talk to Brenda alone. Brenda talks with her hands a bunch and says it's never going to work between them.
Dylan wants to make long distance work because parting is such sweet sorror and now Brenda can live out a real life Romeo & Juliet sitch. They agree to try it out and swap tongues to seal the deal.
At school, Ol' Twatty sees Brandon in the hallway and says that her "present" might have been too impulsive.
Brandon likes when Ol' Twatty is impulsive. So much so that he impulsively kisses her.
They leave each other giggling about their future sex with a sign behind them that subtlety says, "GO FOR IT!"
Over at the office, Jim's new promotion seems to be getting in the way of fun. He has calls up the wazoo and has to cancel plans with Jim and Cindy's BFFs or BFSinceMovingToCalifornia.
Cindy is not happy.
In fact, Cindy is (in) blue (da-ba-dee) because Jim keeps on canceling on friends and family.
There are more cancelations coming and not only from Jim. Ol' Twatty goes to the Peach Pit to let Brandon know that she can't "do it" that night. She breaks out her DayTimer and they DayTime their SexyTime for Sunday.
Brandon suggests that she lose her virginity on this very countertop because the Peach Pit is closed on Sundays, but he has a key to get in... to her vag. Beep, beep. Yeah.
Steve makes a stop at the Peach Pit and is still being a real pill to Brandon.
Brandon asks Steve what his problem is and Steve responds, "You're my problem!"
Later that night, Brenda gets it in with Dylan one more time before she leaves.
D in the B.
After they do it, she breaks up with him.
Brenda says that she wanted to do it one more time and remember him as they were. Dylan doesn't get it. He wants to make things work.
The next day at the beach, Brandon runs into Steve and asks why he's freezing him out. Steve is upset because he opened up to Brandon about being adopted and now it's someone else in his life who is leaving him.
Brandon explains that although he's moving, he's not leaving him. Then, Brandon opens up to Steve about how when he first moved to California, he tried surfing and completely ate it. He sucked so bad he never tried it again. In a moment of true bromance, Brandon wants to try surfing again before he leaves and says, "who better to share my last wipeout with than you?"
The bros shake hands and decide to eat shit together.
At Casa de Walsh, they are in the midst of packing and Brenda talks about how she's so pissed at Jim and how his work is disrupting her life... twice.
Jim calls and cancels his flight back to Cali due to work... again. Poor Cindy. She hates long distance relationships. So does Brenda. Big time!
After his surfin' safari, Brandon catches some Zs at the beach. He dreams of his hot hook up at the Peach Pit with Ol' Twatty.
In his dreams, Ol' Twatty cleans up. He wakes up from his wet dream on a very dry towel.
There's another present and it's not just Ol' Twattys "Big V." Jim surprises Cindy and comes home unexpectedly.
Jim and Cindy embrace over boxes and culottes. What other surprises are in store?
Brandon and Ol' Twatty make their way to the Peach Pit and decide to neck before going in to shake off any first time sex heebie jeebies.
After they smooch, Brandon is ready to make Ol' Twatty a real woman at his place of work. They open the door.
SURPRISE! The gang is all here to watch Ol' Twatty lose her big V and David Silver is here to tape it, but can't seem to work the camcorder.
No, no. It turns out that the gang wasn't freezing out the Walshes, they were planning a party.
The other surprise: no sex for Ol' Twatty. Wah, wah. That DayTimer of hers sure does suck at timing things.
Take two on the surprise as Brenda walks in.
Yay. David didn't screw it up this time. Brenda is so surprised.
Jim and Cindy were in on the surprise and were happy to see that it all worked out.
The gang records goodbye messages to B&B. Kelly thanks Brenda for being such a good friend and Steve thanks Brandon for making him the guy he is.
Ol' Twatty thanks Brandon for allowing her to be more open. Since he liked her, that meant that the others would too. Remember, she is actually pretty so the gang has to like her.
She finishes her message saying, "Minnesota doesn't know how lucky it is."
As each person says something nice about B&B, Jim almost tears up. He has raised some damn good kids.
Next up for the messages is Dylan.
His recording is brief as he says that he "doesn't do cameras." Instead, he goes up to B&B directly and says that Brenda saved him from himself and from going back to drinking.
Jim is overwhelmed by all of this love and proclaims, "Home is where the heart is." Turns out the heart is in Cali and he decides to stay in 9021-Whoa!
Whoopee! 9 more seasons!
Brandon asks Ol' Twatty if she knew about the surprise party and if the V card was all just a distraction.
Ol' Twatty says she'll never tell. They finish the conversation by Ol' Twatty creaming her blazer and them deciding to stay friends.
As the episode ends, Brenda is so excited to continue her relationship with Dylan and all of her new friends.
Brenda leans into Dylan and whispers, "I'm late." And that folks is what you call a cliffhanger.
Everyone dances til the credits roll and we end Season 1. Wow, what a season. Keep your eyes peeled for character outlines from Season 1 and for 9 more seasons of Whoa!-caps. Can't wait for Season 2. Shit gets real good in Season 2. Thanks for reading!